Archives for posts with tag: Boundaries

Your phone rings, and your heart flutters.  On the other end of the line is yet another bill collector making a futile attempt at debt collection.  There was a time when your phone rang incessantly, and you spent countless hours mentoring, inspiring and championing those on the other end.  You bore the burdens for countless many.  But where are they now?  Your spirit yearns for even just a few words of encouragement, as your days have been dark, and your cares have been many.

The silence is deafening.  Your well has run dry, and the takers have moved on to fertile springs.  Many would look at your circumstances and pity you as the one who once was.  I challenge you to see your situation through different lens.

Many people have a disproportionate amount of takers in their lives—self absorbed narcissists who think only of themselves.  Oftentimes, takers align themselves with givers because givers are typically selfless and seldom place requirements on takers.  However, times of trials are perfect opportunities to reassess and re-equilibrate dysfunctional relationships.  It is a time to sift the givers from the takers.

Relationships should be reciprocal and edifying.  They should have additive value.  If the people in your life take disproportionately more than they give, move on!  Chances are, they probably aren’t your friend, at least not in the true sense of the word.  It is okay to say no.  It is okay to be protective of your mental and emotional stasis.   True friends understand that it’s not always about them.  They understand that you also have desires that need to be met and hurts that need to be nurtured.  True friends give as much as they take.  While giving and taking in healthy relationships might not always be in the same arenas, the actions ultimately balance out.  If you find that your needs are just not being met, it may be time to find some new friends.

Wasn’t technology supposed to make our lives better and easier?  Clearly, that isn’t always the case.  Nowadays, it seems as if our lives are even more complicated than ever before.  The limits of our boundaries are constantly being ebbed away.  The idea of personal and family time has almost been obliterated.  That person who dares to leave work at exactly 5:00 p.m. is either a trailblazer or simply lazy.  Whatever happened to the days when our free time was just that—free?  Once upon a time, we were not slaves to our cell phones or emails.  People didn’t always have an expectation that others should immediately beckon to their every request.  Today’s employees, particularly those who are salaried, are expected to be available around the clock.  Somewhere throughout the course of employment, an employee’s negotiated, and agreed upon, hours of employment became blurred and transcended into a 24-hour service.  Over time, there became an unspoken, and sometimes verbalized, expectation that employees should come in early and leave late.  Don’t even think about leaving “on time” if you ever want to be considered for promotion.  Doing so would almost always guarantee that you would be placed at the bottom of any promotion list.

 

Before I continue, I must make one disclaimer.  Generally speaking, this post is geared solely towards honest, hard-working people, not individuals who go to work to buy time between paychecks and whose morning and evening clock outs rotate around their 20 coffee, water and bathroom breaks.  It’s not geared towards those who approach work and life with a sense of entitlement and a spirit of mediocrity.  While those individuals might go through the motions of pretending to work, their attention and focus are usually elsewhere.  Those individuals are usually toxic and, almost always, help to further tax and over burden their co-workers, who then inadvertently take on their share of the workload.  I digress.

 

Diminishing boundaries are stifling our quality of life and potentially the productivity that we so desire. It is impossible to continuously perform at a 100 percent capacity without hitting our refresh or reset keys. Think about our computer programs.  Sometimes, in order to get them on the right track, we have to restart the program, which require that the computer is complete turned off.  As far as I know, there is no way to partially restart a computer.  Every terminal action is usually an attempt to force a program to quit and start over.  In our personal lives, the end of each day should be an opportunity to quit and start over.  However, too often, our days and nights have become one continuous blur.  Many of us in corporate America have become slaves to the grind.  We have become slaves to capitalism.  However, Christ did not die on the cross for us to be slaves.  Galatians 5:1 says, “So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law,” (NLT).  It is important that we heighten our awareness of the things in our lives that challenges our freedom and try to draw us back into the confines of slavery.  We have to constantly reaffirm that we are not slaves.  We are free.  Christ died on the cross so that we could be free.  We are not slaves!  I am not a slave!