Tupac Quote

“I gotta stop treating people like I owe them something,” Tupac.

This quote came across my social media page the other day, and it stopped me in my tracks. Wow! How liberating.

I have always believed that no one owes me anything. I had never thought about that sentiment from the opposite perspective. However, it was something that I needed to hear. It’s something I believe that many of us need to hear.

As Christians, particularly Christian women, we believe that we have to be everything to everyone. We can’t. There is only one God, and only He can be everything to all. We are human, and we will fail and falter. The problem is, when we have conditioned people into thinking that our role in their lives is to be subservient to them, this becomes the expected norm of the relationship. They call. We answer. They ask. We give. They dish. We take. Most people do not like change. So, oftentimes, we find that once we try to redefine these skewed relationships, people become resistant and some often get angry. They might say things like, “You’ve change,” “You’re just not the same person,” “You’ve gotten brand new.” The truth is, you probably haven’t really changed. You’ve probably always hated being treated like a doormat, but you just never said anything. To those people whom you’ve allowed to walk all over you, there was no perceived problem in the relationship, because as far as they were concerned, their needs were being met. You filled the lonely gaps between romantic relationships. You picked up the pieces after the break up. You spent hours “talking” while they vented about a problem. For them, there was no problem. But what about your lonely nights, broken heart and failed dreams? Were they on the phone for hours listening to you cry and vent like you had been for them?

“But, they are my friend,” you say. “I’ve know them since (fill in the blank).”

“Ten years ago, they did that one favor that I feel obligated to repay over and over and over again.”

Whenever we judge the merit of a relationship, we should never judge it based on the question, “What have you done for me lately?” However, relationships MUST be symbiotic. If you find that you keep holding yourself hostage to that one, kind deed that an individual performed many moons ago, and you constantly feel indebted and need to repay that act, it might be time that you reevaluate your motives and reevaluate your relationships. Yes, we must remember kindness. So many of us are quick to forget. Yes, we must maintain a sense of loyalty, but we do not owe anyone anything. We have a responsibility to love God and to love His people, but we are not indebted to anyone.

In my own life, I have had to redefine several relationships. There were people who were always used to me running to their beck and call. They called. I answered. They asked. I gave. They dished. I took. Now that I have established new boundaries, there are those who’ve said that I have changed. They don’t like the fact that I am no longer their doormat. However, I can’t be who God has called me to be and go where He wants me to go if I am wrapped up living people’s lives and riding the waves of their emotions.

One of the biggest lessons that God taught me a few years ago is that the reason why many of us cannot get past our current season is that we keep bypassing our exit and repeating seasons with people who are currently in the season that God is trying to graduate us from. Friend, sometimes the very thing that we are trying to save someone from might be the fire that God is using to refine them. So, now, instead of moving into our new season, we are going into battle against God and getting burned.

For 2015, I encourage you to evaluate ALL your relationships. The Bible says, “Iron sharpens iron,” (Proverbs 27:17). If you are in relationships that are not allowing you to grow, move on. Those lopsided relationships might be the very things that are hindering your growth.

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